Conflict seeks understanding, not victory

The goal of any conflict is to create mutual understanding.

It's not disagreement that poses a risk to our relationships. It's unspoken disagreement. Many, I don't know about you Lenny, but a lot of my best professional relationships began with a good respectful disagreement.

I try to ask the other side. So, let's take the profitability side. I ask them to make the growth case. I say, 'Tell me the three best reasons why we should actually focus on growth here.' That generates instant empathy for the other side.

When I approach these conversations, I always try to think of them as, even if I don't agree with the feedback, if I don't agree with the decision, what is the insight that I'm missing? How am I wrong about this?

There is always something that we're doing to contribute to the conflict, even if it feels like the other person is insane, and is driving us crazy, and we're the innocent party.